Need help with Immortal!Ianto in a fic

[tigerpaw317.livejournal.com]

I appologize if this goes against any guidlines (it didn't look like it, but I may have missed something), but this seemed like the best place to go for help. I'm working on a TW/Hilghlander crossover (of which there are startlingly few; it's such an obvious CoE fix-it) where Ianto finds out that he's pre-Immortal. (For anyone unfamiliar with Highlander, pre-Immortals live normal, Mortal lives until they die a violent death, at which point the Immortality kicks in.) Anywho, about midway through the story, the two Immortals in my fic reveal to Ianto his status as a pre-Immortal, and his reaction as I wrote it sucks. I wasn't too concerned about it when I initially wrote it, since I'm not really dealing his Immortality in this fic, saving it for the sequel I'm planning, but it needs to be a bit less cheesy. Since this is the comm for immortal!Ianto fics, I was hoping someone here would be willing to lend me a hand?

Comments

[janiemc.livejournal.com]

Happy to have read through and make suggestions if you would like